Being an Authentic Person and a Human Computer

No two IDIs are the same, but there is one constant truth. You have to be ready for anything. And I do mean anything!

You are on someone else’s time. You are in their home or on their video. You have a front-row seat to their family and dog and décor and cleaning standards. You are asking them to be vulnerable and trust you with their thoughts and feelings.

Meanwhile, they can see your face and body language and comfort level.

It gets real, y’all. You have to take a deep breath and roll with the punches.

Expect the unexpected

Occasionally you will get those dream IDIs where you and the respondent click and everything flows. You have a great conversation, get incredible information, and walk away thinking: “What a nice person. I love my job.”

And then sometimes...

• Respondents play a role or give you answers they think you want to hear.
• The family dog bites your leg.
• Someone passes out during an in-person interview.
• Someone gets in a car accident moments before meeting you.
• A woman learns she has stage 4 breast cancer and a few months to live just one hour before she planned to talk about being a cancer survivor.

Show respect

That breast cancer interview was tough. Her kids were home, running around and asking about dinner. She hadn’t told them yet. She hadn’t told anyone yet. She was still trying to process.

But she wanted to do the interview. When I suggested we reschedule, she said: ‘No, you don’t understand. I might not be here much longer. I would like to be a part of this. If my story is out there, I can help other women.’

So, she powered through.

And I sat there and wondered: ‘How do I do this? I want to be human and empathetic, but I have to be a professional. She doesn’t need me to break down; she will get that from her family and friends. She needs me to treat her like someone I am interested in learning from. Because that is why she is doing this.’

It was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

Build Trust 

Being a moderator is tricky. You start with a plan, which you invariably have to adjust on the fly, and then you have to politely and skillfully keep the interview on track no matter how far sideways it wants to go.

To a large degree, success depends on building trust.  

Respondents need to trust that you: 1) really care, and 2) will respect their thoughts and stories through the whole process.

There are a few ways to do that:

• Build rapport. I am a firm believer in being a human first. Then curious. Then a researcher. Most of the time, if you show up as a person and stay curious, the research part becomes easier.

• Give people a chance to breath. Sometimes, when the topic or mood gets too heavy, I’ll say, ‘Let’s take a deep breath’ or ‘Let’s laugh for a minute.’ I might even make a joke, which is definitely not my strong point. But, hey, it lets them know I am human.

• Give people the space to talk. They don’t need a bunch of emotion coming back at them when they are sharing something personal. Especially on difficult topics.

• Be non-threatening. I am not there to teach them anything or show them how much I know. Instead, I want to learn from them. They are the experts in their lives.

Even so, sometimes trust doesn’t happen. You can always tell when someone is holding back. That’s OK. It’s even expected. That’s why we do a lot of interviews. We make allowances for when people struggle with trust.

It gets real

All I can do is be real and authentic. Polite and professional. Interested but not emotionally invested. But who am I kidding? I get emotionally invested.

Still, I show up to interviews as a computer in a human body. My job, or task, is to learn all I can, regardless of what else is happening to or around me.

Like I said earlier, it gets real! But then again, “real” is where you get the good stuff! Meaning the responses and actions and emotions that reveal deep truths. The findings that businesses can use to propel their brand or product forward. And the kind of “this just happened” stories that all market researchers everywhere carry with them long after the interview ends.